Resident Butler
by YellowDanger
Summary: A series of gory human remains found in the area surrounding the remote Trancy Mansion brings in S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Squad) to investigate. On arrival, Bravo Team communications are abruptly cut off. Now it is up to Alpha Team to uncover the horrifying truth.
1. Chapter 1

Resident Butler

Description: A series of gory human remains found in the area surrounding the remote Trancy Mansion brings in S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Squad) to investigate. On arrival, Bravo Team communications are abruptly cut off. Now it is up to Alpha Team to uncover the horrifying truth.

July 1998 - Raccoon Forest

Alpha team are flying around the forest situated North West Aracnophile City searching for the helicopter of their compatriots, Bravo Team who disappeared during the middle of their joint mission. The members of Alpha Team are as follows:

Chris Redfield: HES GOTTA SHOTGUN

Jill Valentine: Master of Unlocking

Barry Burton: Master of Sandwiches

Albert Wesker: Captain in charge of perpetual sunglasses

Brad "Chicken" Vickers: Pilot and fuckup

Joseph Frost: Meat Shield

Wesker speaks on the intercomm "Chris you haven't found it?".

Chris replies "NO I haven't found it yet."

Bizarre murder cases have occurred in Aracnophile City. There are outlandish reports of families being attacked by a group of around five people. Victims were apparently burned to death. Bravo Team went to the hideout of the group and disappeared.

Jill speaks on the intercomm "LOOK Chris."

Chris LOOKS where Jill is pointing to with her index unlocking finger (as she insists on calling it). Without thinking Brad instantly changes course to investigate where Jill is pointing to. Brad lands the helicopter in a cowardly fashion. All Alpha Team members depart except the fuckup.

Alpha Team cautiously approaches the wreckage. As they move forward their footsteps can be heard rustling the tall grass. It was Bravo Teams helicopter. Nobody was in it. But STRANGELY most of the equipment was still there. However they soon discovered why. Every member of Alpha was unique and they each had their own way of expressing their increasing worry. Jill looked bored. Barry looked puzzled. Joseph didn't look like he knew what he was doing. Wesker looked cool. Chris looked like a highly disagreeable badass.

They each decided to search a separate part of the empty field. Suddenly Joseph started spazzing out and waving his arm like a girl "HEY, c'mere!". However at that moment every team member sensed several presences advancing on their location. As seconds went past a growl could be heard like that of a dog. Joseph knelt down to pick up whatever it was that was causing him such duress. He picked it up slowly in order to make sure that it was in fact a pistol with a sever hand gripping the barrel. IT WAS a pistol with a severed hand gripping the barrel. Joseph looked like a right Brad Vickers when he screamed "HEH!".

In the next instant someTHING sneaked up on Joseph and flew towards his general direction. Joseph reached for his coat hanger but it was too late. Now his vision was blinded by yellow flapping. He didn't know what it was or how many but he knew he was being gradually eaten. He did know that it was too late. In his final act of being Joseph Frost he sat down and cried.

On the plus side this gave the rest of the team the chance to heroically run away. Everyone ran for the helicopter and shot at the yellow flashes that descended from the sky. No one could make out what they were. Especially Wesker with his perpetual sunglasses. It was only when Jill was able to hit one in the face that they realised it was canaries.

However even more yellow than the killer canaries was Brad Vickers himself. As soon as he saw the yellow danger he started the helicopter. Luckily the propeller blades started spinning as soon as the canaries targeted the helicopter. Some were even caught in the blades in scenes resembling the inside of a farm owned by KFC. Brad abandoned his fellow Alpha Team members.

Chris raised his hand and whined to the heavens "NO, DON'T GO!". However as he was sure that Brad had truly abandoned them to certain death Christ just sorta put his hand down while looking embarrassed in front of his other teammates.

After that everybody started running again. Then Chris finally noticed that this empty field had a mansion in it. "Jill! Run for that house!". Chris never did care for Wesker and Barry. Almost as if they were hiding something. "WHO CARES IF THEY DIED" was Chris' thoughts on that particular subject. Then Chris didn't run to the front door like everyone else for some reason. But at last Jill, Barry and Wesker found refuge in THE TRANCY MANSION. FOR NOW.


	2. Chapter 2

Now that all that bullshit was over Chris could relax. But Holy Fucking Shit did he feel lonely. He hasn't felt this lonely since his pet spider abandoned him. He named it Fatass (pronounced Fat-Ass). This is a whole lot of lonely for one shotgun wielding maniac do deal with. So he lay down to get some rest on a gravestone he was seconds ago horribly sobbing against (he is in a graveyard btw). The reality of sleep came down on him like a seductive headstone. Oh wait. The gravestone just fell on Chris' head. But he will never know...

Chris was reaching out for his past. Before he joined smelly S.T.A.R.S with that stinking Barry Burton. The man smelled like moldy old sandwiches. Chris guessed that he probably kept them on his person at all times. He probably never even took a bite out of them. That's the kind of partner Barry was. Anyway this dream was supposed to be about Chris' past not his sexual frustration toward CERTAIN team members.

Chris wished he could go back to his previous team, B.A.M.F.S (Bad Ass MotherFuckerS). Now there was a special ops unit you could tip your hat to. Presumably they would then hold that person at gun point while securing the hat for the bomb squad. Never can be too careful on the mean streets of Raccoon City. GOD IT WAS FUN. Chris could be as violent as he wanted as long as there was no evidence left. So much more freedom. Also no one looked down on him for his feelings toward his shotgun. In fact it was encouraged daily for every B.A.M.F.S member to spend some intimate moments with their weapon of choice. FUCK S.T.A.R.S. FUCK BARRY. FUCK FATASS. FUCK SHOTGUN... FUCK SHOTGUN. OH SHOTGUN. OOoooooOOOH!

Chris woke to find both him and his weapon to be covered in shame. SHIT! If anyone found out he would get fired like every other B.A.M.F.S member during the great gun inspection incident of '96. So much shame that day. For the entire department. Chris was only spared thanks to the supervision of a senior weirdo. One BarRY BURTON! GOD I HATE HIM SO MUCH!

Well this delusional asshole isn't getting anywhere soon so next time we will leave him to see what the other S.T.A.R.S members are up to. I promise there will be some BB characters next time. Though I do not promise that I will put more effort into this.


End file.
